I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and she was petting her beer can
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
