just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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