he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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