I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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