this beer tastes like vomit already
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
