my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
