Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
