allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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