I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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