hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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