White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
