I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
