You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize