Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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