Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
