This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
