everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
