Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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