i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
