My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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