We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
