I just saw a hot homeless man
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All the doctor said was why
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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