Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
