Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
