She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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