smell my finger.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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