Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
