She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize