goodnight i made you a song goodbye
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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