i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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