bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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