Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize