I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
