I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
