Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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