The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
