My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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