physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
