She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
