Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
