don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
