Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize