I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
