I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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