How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
