At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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