I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
