I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
