I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
