so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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