i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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