I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
