how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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