I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
