so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
