Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
