dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
