i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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