Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
