You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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