You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
