what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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