I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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