I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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