whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
