I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
