Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
